It's soooo Easy! A few cravings usually when I'm doing something that was accompanied by smoking - but the cravings are so mild - a slight feeling in my chest that I now see as the nicotine monster. It is funny actually because that little B has no power. What used to be a LOUD ROAR is now a tiny weak whimper. I can tell he is dying. After three days of non-smoking, apparently the nicotine has gone from my body - at least 99% has - and in three weeks it will all be gone.
The power of suggestion that Allen Carr uses works for me. I'm so happy to be FREE from the fear of not being able to have a cigarette and from being a slave to the nicotine monster - I can hardly believe I was so blind. My mind is so clever that it had me convinced that smoking was not nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be.
Non-smokers cannot relate to this unless they are addicted to something else - I imagine all addictions create FEAR and panic when threatened by not being able to satisfy the demands of their inner addiction monster.
Allen Carr is brilliant in creating a brainwashing technique that is opposite of what the majority of Quit Smoking organizations do. Rather than using scare tactics which only make a smoker want to smoke more (they create more stress and therefore fear), he constantly tells us how relieved we will feel once we are free from the clutches of the monster within.
He repeatedly reminds us that it is the last cigarette we had that causes our withdrawal symptoms.
Now that is brilliant. I paid attention to what was going on inside me as I took my habitual three puffs on a cigarette. I noticed how relaxed my body felt with each puff. Then I put out the cigarette and went back to my desk.
By the time I sat down, I wanted another cigarette. I could feel the sensations in my chest area that signaled it was time for another. Before I began paying attention, I had not noticed these feelings. These are what Allen calls "withdrawal" sensations.
It is really important to pay attention because then it is easier to overpower the nicotine monster - or another way of putting it is to empower yourself - which takes away the power of the addiction.
People who quit with willpower have a more difficult time taking back their power and allowing the nicotine monster to die. I think it is because FEAR does not allow them to pay attention to what is going on - they try to distract their minds with lots of other things and don't really want to think about smoking - I know that because in the past I tried to quit using willpower and I would not allow myself to even think of smoking.
Now I can see it for what it truly is. And I'm soooo happy to be free of the fear of not having a cigarette.
It is very important to keep in mind that even just one puff on a cigarette will do me in. I know this to be true. After twenty years of not smoking, it was just one puff that immediately empowered the Nicotine Monster and I was back to smoking again.
I had completely forgotten the power of the Monster and that I was an addict. This time, I will keep the book in clear site - forever - and if ever I had a longing for a smoke, I will pick up the book and begin reading and that will save me from falling into the clutches of that NC.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
In the mind of a smoker
Now that I am a non-smoker, I have a different perspective - I can see how corrupt a mind can become when influenced by an addiction.
I can see how easily it is to believe the thoughts and how easy it is to rationalize thoughts that are absolutely self-destructive - fatally so.
It is very strange for me to write these ideas - a part of me cannot believe I allowed myself to be so fooled - so trapped in disallusions.
It is as if I, or something within me, created a world around me based on conspiracy theories that influenced my beliefs about smoking. I actually held on to ideas that smoking is not harmful.
There must be a conspiracy to keep the tobacco industry in business. The government had to appear to be protecting the people, all the while increasing taxes on cigarettes and filling the government coffers. I wonder how they spend the billions or trillions of $$$ of cigarette taxes - I read that the tobacco industry only earns about 1/4 of what the government brings in.
The hype that smoking kills you can't be true. None of it makes sense - the government sets up quit smoking clinics; creates laws to prevent people from smoking in businesses, and even so many feet away from a door to a businesses. Creates another law to put health warnings in every package of cigarettes to make sure smokers see them. All those warnings do, btw, are to create more fear in smokers which makes them smoke more.
I argued with myself and anyone who challenged my smoking that until the government outlaws the tobacco industry, then I shall continue to smoke - because it must be safer to smoke than to do other drugs since there are laws against using them.
A part of me rationalized that that smoking must not be so harmful because even some health supplements, and herbal remedies have also been banned and some supplements businesses have even been shut down because their products are considered unsafe for the general public to use without proper supervision of members of the Medical Association.
It is not easy for me to write this because non of it makes any sense to me at all now. Since I have quit smoking it is so clear that my resistance to quitting was based on fear and fear alone.
When I thought of quitting smoking, I panicked when I imagined not being able to have a cigarette when I wanted one. No kidding - panic took over my mind and my body and rendered me completely helpless. THANK GOD THAT'S OVER!
If I ever am tempted to have even just one little puff on a cigarette - I MUST NOT DO IT. I am buying a copy of the book The EASY WAY... and keeping it handy, just in case I weaken.
But I'm convinced that I will not weaken. I love the freedom from fear and slavery that comes with being a non-smoker. Only an ex-smoker can understand that.
I can see how easily it is to believe the thoughts and how easy it is to rationalize thoughts that are absolutely self-destructive - fatally so.
It is very strange for me to write these ideas - a part of me cannot believe I allowed myself to be so fooled - so trapped in disallusions.
It is as if I, or something within me, created a world around me based on conspiracy theories that influenced my beliefs about smoking. I actually held on to ideas that smoking is not harmful.
There must be a conspiracy to keep the tobacco industry in business. The government had to appear to be protecting the people, all the while increasing taxes on cigarettes and filling the government coffers. I wonder how they spend the billions or trillions of $$$ of cigarette taxes - I read that the tobacco industry only earns about 1/4 of what the government brings in.
The hype that smoking kills you can't be true. None of it makes sense - the government sets up quit smoking clinics; creates laws to prevent people from smoking in businesses, and even so many feet away from a door to a businesses. Creates another law to put health warnings in every package of cigarettes to make sure smokers see them. All those warnings do, btw, are to create more fear in smokers which makes them smoke more.
I argued with myself and anyone who challenged my smoking that until the government outlaws the tobacco industry, then I shall continue to smoke - because it must be safer to smoke than to do other drugs since there are laws against using them.
A part of me rationalized that that smoking must not be so harmful because even some health supplements, and herbal remedies have also been banned and some supplements businesses have even been shut down because their products are considered unsafe for the general public to use without proper supervision of members of the Medical Association.
It is not easy for me to write this because non of it makes any sense to me at all now. Since I have quit smoking it is so clear that my resistance to quitting was based on fear and fear alone.
When I thought of quitting smoking, I panicked when I imagined not being able to have a cigarette when I wanted one. No kidding - panic took over my mind and my body and rendered me completely helpless. THANK GOD THAT'S OVER!
If I ever am tempted to have even just one little puff on a cigarette - I MUST NOT DO IT. I am buying a copy of the book The EASY WAY... and keeping it handy, just in case I weaken.
But I'm convinced that I will not weaken. I love the freedom from fear and slavery that comes with being a non-smoker. Only an ex-smoker can understand that.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Q-DAY TODAY
TODAY I AM A NON-SMOKER! I AM FINALLY FREE!
I have finally escaped the clutches of the nicotine monster inside me and can now enjoy life completely in great health and happiness.
Just as the book, Quit Smoking The Easy Way, said it was easy. Of course this is just day 1 of my new life as a non-smoker, but I have not had more than a tiny bit of craving for a cigarette. Allen Carr said our cravings are hardly noticeable - he's right. I notice them and think how happy I am to be FREE and pouff my mind goes off on something else.
I have so much energy I can't believe it. I'm not sure whether my mind is keeping me active so I won't smoke, or smoking actually blocked my desire to do things like cleaning my vertical blinds, making my granola, creating a grocery list on the computer, booking movies at the library - my position in the line up is over 300 on two of the lists.
I bought a kit called Nixotinex to help me stop the cravings and detox my body for $32 but I'm not using it - don't have to.
My website is not screaming out for my attention so I'm happy to take a holiday from it. March ezine is not going to happen - but really, when only two of 14 registrants open it each month, and those two happen to be me and my SBI friend in S. A. guess no one will notice.
So my plan for the evening is to read. I love being FREE from the misery, fear, and slavery of the nicotine monster.
I have finally escaped the clutches of the nicotine monster inside me and can now enjoy life completely in great health and happiness.
Just as the book, Quit Smoking The Easy Way, said it was easy. Of course this is just day 1 of my new life as a non-smoker, but I have not had more than a tiny bit of craving for a cigarette. Allen Carr said our cravings are hardly noticeable - he's right. I notice them and think how happy I am to be FREE and pouff my mind goes off on something else.
I have so much energy I can't believe it. I'm not sure whether my mind is keeping me active so I won't smoke, or smoking actually blocked my desire to do things like cleaning my vertical blinds, making my granola, creating a grocery list on the computer, booking movies at the library - my position in the line up is over 300 on two of the lists.
I bought a kit called Nixotinex to help me stop the cravings and detox my body for $32 but I'm not using it - don't have to.
My website is not screaming out for my attention so I'm happy to take a holiday from it. March ezine is not going to happen - but really, when only two of 14 registrants open it each month, and those two happen to be me and my SBI friend in S. A. guess no one will notice.
So my plan for the evening is to read. I love being FREE from the misery, fear, and slavery of the nicotine monster.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Quitting smoking - 2
March 16, 2010
QD is drawing nearer - 5 more smoking days to go. Ridiculous! I am determined to quit and I can visualize how happy and free I will be as a non-smoker.
This process is fascinating. When I quit smoking oh so many years ago now, I recall a little book I read. That may have been the magic pill that helped me get so easily off nicotine.
So last night my friend B who is quitting with me lent me a book. We had our last "smoke out" together - watching the movie, Up In The Air - with George Clooney - he's right up there with Gregory Peck for me (except for this movie). Can't figure out how it made the list for an Oscar. So B and I ate dinner and smoked while we watched the movie.
What a horrible experience - when she lit up a cigarette, I couldn't stand the stink of it, eventually I had to stick my head out of the balcony door to get a whiff of fresh air. That is a good sign. Most times I did not notice. My mind would not allow me to accept how disgusting even second hand smoke is.
I think that now that I am determined to quit, have actually committed my self to that goal, that something is showing me what a wise decision that is. I am going to call it the Universe for lack of an accurate word.
I have always said that when I truly desire something and declare my desire with emotional energy the Universe delivers it. What I do not receive is blocked by some internal programming that I am not aware of at the surface level of my mind.
When I got home last night I peeled all of my clothes off and could smell the smoke in them (previously denied they smelled). In the comfort of my PJs, I curled up on the couch and began reading the book. I was not surprised actually, but I do believe this is a 2nd edition to the book I read oh so long ago.
When Allen Carr talks about the nicotine monster inside me that is controlling my life - every precious moment of it - I remember that I could relate to the monster metaphor more than to the real live disgusting and ugly jar full of cigarette butts, or wicked posters with nasty health threats. That is how limited and non-effective most of the Quit Smoking so-called experts operate. I know, I've been there done that. And I have suffered the self-demeaning failed attempts to quit before.
The nicotine monster that has control over my life has to go. I visualize it as a large mouth bass, or large ugly bottom-feeder fish, wildly swimming around in my chest area with a mouth flapping - opening and closing, demanding to be fed.
His demands feel like a kind of cotton batting filling up my lungs - threatening to suffocate me if I don't feed him. As soon as I have even one puff on a cigarette, he slows down and my breathing becomes easier and my body feels less contracted.
After three puffs Monster Nic seems satisfied and he retreats to a deep dark corner in my lungs and rests somewhat peacefully, but his eyes never really close. I am aware of him watching for the slightest hint that there is more.
The odd thing about it is that as soon as I get back to my computer and sit down, the monster seems give me a gentle poke, hinting that he is there and should I choose to he will accept dessert.
This vivid visualization helps me to feel in control.
So I have committed myself to finishing the book, as the author recommends and since I have done it before, I know I that quitting is very easy, once again.
To be safe I am also going to use a product called Nixotinex that B used when she last quit. Trouble is that when she quit it was for about a month to go on a cigarette free vacation with her kids and grandchild. Shortly after she returned she resumed smoking.
But I say best to cover all the bases. This product is supposed to help stop the cravings - don't know how, but who cares - I am so sick of smoking and the inconvenience of it, and the fact that most of society now treats smokers like Lepers, or as I call it diseased freaks, that the reason I started to smoke again is no longer valid (as if it was anyway).
Recently, I was asked a question that I think helped me to see more clearly how my addiction was no longer meeting my needs. He asked, "Why did you start smoking?" And because he probably knew my usual reaction to talking about smoking (very assertively but politely telling people it was none of their business) - he just replied "Thanks". Believe me when I say that in my case, "less is more". A few days later, the question came to my mind and I actually allowed it to surface and I considered the answer. The reason I started to smoke after twenty years was that I felt left out of a group of "inner circle" folks who were interesting and fun to be with. I know it is insane to think that I had to smoke to be with them, but that is the nature of an addict - perhaps the reason I smoked again was that finally I was able to rationalize an excuse to feed Monster Nic who never actually died and went to his heaven.
Anyway enough - I am quitting for good as soon as I finish this book. Thank you for all of the support I am getting from my Inner Being, from B for doing it with me, and for Allen Carr from coming back into my life when I most need him.
God, I love my self when I feel so in control. Now believe it or not, after all that I'm going to have my first cigarette (3 puffs) of the day. Allen Carr says not to quit yet - and I do believe he is right.
QD is drawing nearer - 5 more smoking days to go. Ridiculous! I am determined to quit and I can visualize how happy and free I will be as a non-smoker.
This process is fascinating. When I quit smoking oh so many years ago now, I recall a little book I read. That may have been the magic pill that helped me get so easily off nicotine.
So last night my friend B who is quitting with me lent me a book. We had our last "smoke out" together - watching the movie, Up In The Air - with George Clooney - he's right up there with Gregory Peck for me (except for this movie). Can't figure out how it made the list for an Oscar. So B and I ate dinner and smoked while we watched the movie.
What a horrible experience - when she lit up a cigarette, I couldn't stand the stink of it, eventually I had to stick my head out of the balcony door to get a whiff of fresh air. That is a good sign. Most times I did not notice. My mind would not allow me to accept how disgusting even second hand smoke is.
I think that now that I am determined to quit, have actually committed my self to that goal, that something is showing me what a wise decision that is. I am going to call it the Universe for lack of an accurate word.
I have always said that when I truly desire something and declare my desire with emotional energy the Universe delivers it. What I do not receive is blocked by some internal programming that I am not aware of at the surface level of my mind.
When I got home last night I peeled all of my clothes off and could smell the smoke in them (previously denied they smelled). In the comfort of my PJs, I curled up on the couch and began reading the book. I was not surprised actually, but I do believe this is a 2nd edition to the book I read oh so long ago.
When Allen Carr talks about the nicotine monster inside me that is controlling my life - every precious moment of it - I remember that I could relate to the monster metaphor more than to the real live disgusting and ugly jar full of cigarette butts, or wicked posters with nasty health threats. That is how limited and non-effective most of the Quit Smoking so-called experts operate. I know, I've been there done that. And I have suffered the self-demeaning failed attempts to quit before.
The nicotine monster that has control over my life has to go. I visualize it as a large mouth bass, or large ugly bottom-feeder fish, wildly swimming around in my chest area with a mouth flapping - opening and closing, demanding to be fed.
His demands feel like a kind of cotton batting filling up my lungs - threatening to suffocate me if I don't feed him. As soon as I have even one puff on a cigarette, he slows down and my breathing becomes easier and my body feels less contracted.
After three puffs Monster Nic seems satisfied and he retreats to a deep dark corner in my lungs and rests somewhat peacefully, but his eyes never really close. I am aware of him watching for the slightest hint that there is more.
The odd thing about it is that as soon as I get back to my computer and sit down, the monster seems give me a gentle poke, hinting that he is there and should I choose to he will accept dessert.
This vivid visualization helps me to feel in control.
So I have committed myself to finishing the book, as the author recommends and since I have done it before, I know I that quitting is very easy, once again.
To be safe I am also going to use a product called Nixotinex that B used when she last quit. Trouble is that when she quit it was for about a month to go on a cigarette free vacation with her kids and grandchild. Shortly after she returned she resumed smoking.
But I say best to cover all the bases. This product is supposed to help stop the cravings - don't know how, but who cares - I am so sick of smoking and the inconvenience of it, and the fact that most of society now treats smokers like Lepers, or as I call it diseased freaks, that the reason I started to smoke again is no longer valid (as if it was anyway).
Recently, I was asked a question that I think helped me to see more clearly how my addiction was no longer meeting my needs. He asked, "Why did you start smoking?" And because he probably knew my usual reaction to talking about smoking (very assertively but politely telling people it was none of their business) - he just replied "Thanks". Believe me when I say that in my case, "less is more". A few days later, the question came to my mind and I actually allowed it to surface and I considered the answer. The reason I started to smoke after twenty years was that I felt left out of a group of "inner circle" folks who were interesting and fun to be with. I know it is insane to think that I had to smoke to be with them, but that is the nature of an addict - perhaps the reason I smoked again was that finally I was able to rationalize an excuse to feed Monster Nic who never actually died and went to his heaven.
Anyway enough - I am quitting for good as soon as I finish this book. Thank you for all of the support I am getting from my Inner Being, from B for doing it with me, and for Allen Carr from coming back into my life when I most need him.
God, I love my self when I feel so in control. Now believe it or not, after all that I'm going to have my first cigarette (3 puffs) of the day. Allen Carr says not to quit yet - and I do believe he is right.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
quitting smoking
Yes, I am an addict. My substance is tobacco.
Yes, I want to quit smoking if for no other reason than when I return home to Toronto for three weeks in August I don't want to feel like a diseased freak.
I am happy for my kids that they do not smoke, my son quit when he was 12 years old:) and my daughter quit about 10 years ago, I think.
I quit smoking when a by-law in Toronto made it illegal to smoke indoors in offices. That would force me to smoke outdoors. Well, no one was going to tell me where to smoke. Heavens, women did not smoke on the streets in those days, and I was a proper woman, after all. I forget the year, although I do remember how easy it was for me to quit - even considering that I had smoked at my desk and at home and felt oh so comfortable and acceptable.
So for twenty years I was a non-smoker. I often felt left out while others retreated outdoors but I knew that I could not even take one little puff on a cigarette, or I was a goner. I knew I was an addict.
But one day when I noticed that a bunch of very interesting people frequently gathered on a porch smoking laughing, talking and just having the time of their lives - I somehow could not join them with smoking - so I gave in and bingo - once again I was a smoker.
The last time I went home for a three week holiday, three years ago, the most difficult time for me was while I stayed at my son's home. I do not smoke while I am with them, so I went out to the mall on a number of occasions to have a smoke. I felt guilty - like a bad kid - and sneaky. By the end of the week I was really stressed out, perhaps partly due to my self-imposed smoking restrictions, but also because I spent the week looking after my grandchildren aged two and four.
Not an easy job for a grandmother who is not used to have young children around - even though I love them to bits - their noisy busy-ness and demanding natures - being kids - was too much for me.
I find it extremely annoying that I am such a wimp on this planet. Others smokers seem to be comfortable smoking wherever they want to - whenever the monster gets hungry. They don't seem ashamed of their addiction.
I also find it odd that smokers are so careless about discarding their butts wherever they are on the streets, in the parks, on the beach - that is littering and somehow they do not seem aware of it.
What makes me angry is that it casts a negative impression that all smokers are the same - I am not that kind of smoker. I carry a little ashtray and butt container with me whenever I think I will smoke.
I don't smoke most of the time when I go out - even socially. I only usually smoke at home outside on my balcony, and that is about 3 or 4 cigarettes a day - last month I spent about $56 on cigarettes.
I do smoke when I am with other smokers - I have one friend who smokes even in her home and on average I visit her about twice a month. I usually come away feeling dizzy and nauseous. Last time we were together at her son's she went out for a smoke without asking me to go with her and I was so thankful - I don't need to smoke - but after the event, we had a smoke together out at our cars before we said goodnight.
Oddly enough, even though I smoke only about 4 cigarettes a day, I find it quite difficult to quit altogether. My mind is convinced that without the smoking inspiration break I'll not be able to write - but I also take breaks when I'm not writing so it is the demanding monster within me that has me in its grip - gotta get rid of it.
So enough - I could rationalize why it is OK for me to smoke til the cows come home, but if I am to be nicotine free by the time I go home in August, then I must start
now.
March 21st is my quit date. So I am beginning reducing my smoking to between 9 am and 10 pm.
This morning I went for a walk as part of my plan to replace smoking with other activities to make it easier on Quit Smoking Day
Trouble is I write - creating my website - and when I smoke it is to take a break from the computer and my writing - I call it my inspiration break because I actually do receive inspiration for my writing when I take the break. I also use the break to stretch my hands, arms and body and I usually go out on the balcony for about 3 puffs on a cigarette - that is how I smoke.
I have 18 days to go before I quit.
I will reduce nicotine in my body to three cigarettes a day on March 10.
I will reduce nicotine in my body to two cigarettes a day on March 17.
I will be a non-smoker on Sunday the 21st.
Yes, I want to quit smoking if for no other reason than when I return home to Toronto for three weeks in August I don't want to feel like a diseased freak.
I am happy for my kids that they do not smoke, my son quit when he was 12 years old:) and my daughter quit about 10 years ago, I think.
I quit smoking when a by-law in Toronto made it illegal to smoke indoors in offices. That would force me to smoke outdoors. Well, no one was going to tell me where to smoke. Heavens, women did not smoke on the streets in those days, and I was a proper woman, after all. I forget the year, although I do remember how easy it was for me to quit - even considering that I had smoked at my desk and at home and felt oh so comfortable and acceptable.
So for twenty years I was a non-smoker. I often felt left out while others retreated outdoors but I knew that I could not even take one little puff on a cigarette, or I was a goner. I knew I was an addict.
But one day when I noticed that a bunch of very interesting people frequently gathered on a porch smoking laughing, talking and just having the time of their lives - I somehow could not join them with smoking - so I gave in and bingo - once again I was a smoker.
The last time I went home for a three week holiday, three years ago, the most difficult time for me was while I stayed at my son's home. I do not smoke while I am with them, so I went out to the mall on a number of occasions to have a smoke. I felt guilty - like a bad kid - and sneaky. By the end of the week I was really stressed out, perhaps partly due to my self-imposed smoking restrictions, but also because I spent the week looking after my grandchildren aged two and four.
Not an easy job for a grandmother who is not used to have young children around - even though I love them to bits - their noisy busy-ness and demanding natures - being kids - was too much for me.
I find it extremely annoying that I am such a wimp on this planet. Others smokers seem to be comfortable smoking wherever they want to - whenever the monster gets hungry. They don't seem ashamed of their addiction.
I also find it odd that smokers are so careless about discarding their butts wherever they are on the streets, in the parks, on the beach - that is littering and somehow they do not seem aware of it.
What makes me angry is that it casts a negative impression that all smokers are the same - I am not that kind of smoker. I carry a little ashtray and butt container with me whenever I think I will smoke.
I don't smoke most of the time when I go out - even socially. I only usually smoke at home outside on my balcony, and that is about 3 or 4 cigarettes a day - last month I spent about $56 on cigarettes.
I do smoke when I am with other smokers - I have one friend who smokes even in her home and on average I visit her about twice a month. I usually come away feeling dizzy and nauseous. Last time we were together at her son's she went out for a smoke without asking me to go with her and I was so thankful - I don't need to smoke - but after the event, we had a smoke together out at our cars before we said goodnight.
Oddly enough, even though I smoke only about 4 cigarettes a day, I find it quite difficult to quit altogether. My mind is convinced that without the smoking inspiration break I'll not be able to write - but I also take breaks when I'm not writing so it is the demanding monster within me that has me in its grip - gotta get rid of it.
So enough - I could rationalize why it is OK for me to smoke til the cows come home, but if I am to be nicotine free by the time I go home in August, then I must start
now.
March 21st is my quit date. So I am beginning reducing my smoking to between 9 am and 10 pm.
This morning I went for a walk as part of my plan to replace smoking with other activities to make it easier on Quit Smoking Day
Trouble is I write - creating my website - and when I smoke it is to take a break from the computer and my writing - I call it my inspiration break because I actually do receive inspiration for my writing when I take the break. I also use the break to stretch my hands, arms and body and I usually go out on the balcony for about 3 puffs on a cigarette - that is how I smoke.
I have 18 days to go before I quit.
I will reduce nicotine in my body to three cigarettes a day on March 10.
I will reduce nicotine in my body to two cigarettes a day on March 17.
I will be a non-smoker on Sunday the 21st.
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