My new hero is Naomi Klein.
I am one quarter of the way through her book Shock Doctrine - Disaster Capitalization and I stopped reading as I became choked up - tears beginning to leak out.
I am in shock. I can't believe I have lived my life in such ignorance.
My quest for spiritual salvation has removed me from earthly disasters and albeit I have chosen this path in this life time - if in fact that is not just a bunch of hooey b.s.
How can any human being ignore the plight of other beings who are suffering. Talk about an awakening - this book has awakened in me a reality that I have been encouraged - taught by my spiritual teachers - to ignore.
The said that what you see is a reflection of your inner world - and if we choose love and peace then that is what we will see with our physical eyes. But even before I was on this quest - I don't remember really grasping the deplorable living conditions that some folks endure. I was much too self-absorbed to get it.
So what is happening to me now to allow me to see more clearly an entirely different kind of world?
I have a desire to speak to a truly enlightened teacher (perhaps my teachers, Krishnananda and Gauri were not actually enlightened after all.)
What does Eckhart Tolle say about the condition of the world - out there?
For example; what brought me close to tears was Naomi's report about Bolivia in 1985 when the new President, Paz, initiated economic reforms based on the theory of shock therapy (Milton Friedman) which sent the country into deep depression and two years later it was the poor - who were already poor before the reforms - who shouldered the cost of such reforms.
In 1987 the average Bolivian earned $140 per year. People were starving - children were lucky to have a piece of bread and a drink of tea each day.
What shocks me is that 1987 is not so far off in the past - I mean my son was 20 years old in l987. My daughter was 18. We were not starving - we have always had an abundance of everything, relatively speaking.
I did not think I was abundant because I always wanted to earn more money for financial freedom or rather financial independence.
How can human beings be so narrow minded. I once had a very good friend tell me he thought my ideas about spirituality were selfish. Is he right?
When I speak about choosing for inner peace and joy - I can do that in a flash - like now - I turn my awareness within to the stillness and voila - peace on demand is what I call it.
Now I will bring my awareness out to the external world - the planet - and allow my mind to encompass aspects of poverty and depression.
I don't get it - perhaps I have fallen off my path - and as my teacher says, it is really hard for those of us who have spent considerable time experiencing inner peace to get back up after they fallen off the path - so far I'm OK - I guess I wasn't so far away from the popular reality of seeing depression and depravity and the ego's view of humanity.
Fascinating is it not?
OK back to reading Naomi's book - she is brilliant - she can actually help me to understand economics - though I don't understand how other human beings can be so concerned about "profits" while watching other humans living in such terrible conditions.
What can I do about it?
Naomi also talks about the Alberta Tar Sands as being a huge creator of devastation to the planet - and the Royal Bank is funding it and so is Exxon funding the project.
We must stop supporting those money grabbing maniacs NOW.
I am not a customer of the Royal Bank, but I could write about it and let people know - I could recommend they read the book and watch her videos on her website.
I am becoming an activist - can a spiritual life include activism?
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Good News! I've forgotten how long I've been smoke free.
No kidding. I stopped keeping track because I forgot to. That is great news!
I still do have cravings to have a cigarette though. They are psychological - I know that because apparently all traces of nicotine have left my body - it has been more than three weeks now.
I have fun watching my thoughts - and sometimes I laugh at how clever I am. I find myself trying to convince myself that smoking is not that bad for me. I see more smokers now that I have quit than when I smoked. I can hardly believe that there are still so many people smoking.
But this is boring me now. I'm moving on from even talking about it.
I still do have cravings to have a cigarette though. They are psychological - I know that because apparently all traces of nicotine have left my body - it has been more than three weeks now.
I have fun watching my thoughts - and sometimes I laugh at how clever I am. I find myself trying to convince myself that smoking is not that bad for me. I see more smokers now that I have quit than when I smoked. I can hardly believe that there are still so many people smoking.
But this is boring me now. I'm moving on from even talking about it.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Quitting Smoking Makes a Difference
I did not notice all of the newness when I last quit smoking about 25 years ago.
For some reason I am noticing a lot this time around. The one today is sense of smell.
It has definitely heightened and now I'm wondering how others - especially non-smokers could stand me around them.
I put on my favourite top to go out to my friends for Easter dinner. I'm not taking it off because I'm curious about how others will find my very strong odor.
It does not smell like smoke - old smoke. I put on some of my favourite scent - rose gardenia an essential oil that I wear everywhere. I can hardly stand the smell today. But I'm not taking it off because I'm curious again - how will my friend describe this? She has a very sensitive sense of smell.
I wonder if she has withheld her honesty with me - she doesn't usually do that. She is very honest.
So here I go - off to stink up the world - not with the smell of smokey clothes, but with something that I can't describe.
For some reason I am noticing a lot this time around. The one today is sense of smell.
It has definitely heightened and now I'm wondering how others - especially non-smokers could stand me around them.
I put on my favourite top to go out to my friends for Easter dinner. I'm not taking it off because I'm curious about how others will find my very strong odor.
It does not smell like smoke - old smoke. I put on some of my favourite scent - rose gardenia an essential oil that I wear everywhere. I can hardly stand the smell today. But I'm not taking it off because I'm curious again - how will my friend describe this? She has a very sensitive sense of smell.
I wonder if she has withheld her honesty with me - she doesn't usually do that. She is very honest.
So here I go - off to stink up the world - not with the smell of smokey clothes, but with something that I can't describe.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Day 5 as a non-smoker
It's soooo Easy! A few cravings usually when I'm doing something that was accompanied by smoking - but the cravings are so mild - a slight feeling in my chest that I now see as the nicotine monster. It is funny actually because that little B has no power. What used to be a LOUD ROAR is now a tiny weak whimper. I can tell he is dying. After three days of non-smoking, apparently the nicotine has gone from my body - at least 99% has - and in three weeks it will all be gone.
The power of suggestion that Allen Carr uses works for me. I'm so happy to be FREE from the fear of not being able to have a cigarette and from being a slave to the nicotine monster - I can hardly believe I was so blind. My mind is so clever that it had me convinced that smoking was not nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be.
Non-smokers cannot relate to this unless they are addicted to something else - I imagine all addictions create FEAR and panic when threatened by not being able to satisfy the demands of their inner addiction monster.
Allen Carr is brilliant in creating a brainwashing technique that is opposite of what the majority of Quit Smoking organizations do. Rather than using scare tactics which only make a smoker want to smoke more (they create more stress and therefore fear), he constantly tells us how relieved we will feel once we are free from the clutches of the monster within.
He repeatedly reminds us that it is the last cigarette we had that causes our withdrawal symptoms.
Now that is brilliant. I paid attention to what was going on inside me as I took my habitual three puffs on a cigarette. I noticed how relaxed my body felt with each puff. Then I put out the cigarette and went back to my desk.
By the time I sat down, I wanted another cigarette. I could feel the sensations in my chest area that signaled it was time for another. Before I began paying attention, I had not noticed these feelings. These are what Allen calls "withdrawal" sensations.
It is really important to pay attention because then it is easier to overpower the nicotine monster - or another way of putting it is to empower yourself - which takes away the power of the addiction.
People who quit with willpower have a more difficult time taking back their power and allowing the nicotine monster to die. I think it is because FEAR does not allow them to pay attention to what is going on - they try to distract their minds with lots of other things and don't really want to think about smoking - I know that because in the past I tried to quit using willpower and I would not allow myself to even think of smoking.
Now I can see it for what it truly is. And I'm soooo happy to be free of the fear of not having a cigarette.
It is very important to keep in mind that even just one puff on a cigarette will do me in. I know this to be true. After twenty years of not smoking, it was just one puff that immediately empowered the Nicotine Monster and I was back to smoking again.
I had completely forgotten the power of the Monster and that I was an addict. This time, I will keep the book in clear site - forever - and if ever I had a longing for a smoke, I will pick up the book and begin reading and that will save me from falling into the clutches of that NC.
The power of suggestion that Allen Carr uses works for me. I'm so happy to be FREE from the fear of not being able to have a cigarette and from being a slave to the nicotine monster - I can hardly believe I was so blind. My mind is so clever that it had me convinced that smoking was not nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be.
Non-smokers cannot relate to this unless they are addicted to something else - I imagine all addictions create FEAR and panic when threatened by not being able to satisfy the demands of their inner addiction monster.
Allen Carr is brilliant in creating a brainwashing technique that is opposite of what the majority of Quit Smoking organizations do. Rather than using scare tactics which only make a smoker want to smoke more (they create more stress and therefore fear), he constantly tells us how relieved we will feel once we are free from the clutches of the monster within.
He repeatedly reminds us that it is the last cigarette we had that causes our withdrawal symptoms.
Now that is brilliant. I paid attention to what was going on inside me as I took my habitual three puffs on a cigarette. I noticed how relaxed my body felt with each puff. Then I put out the cigarette and went back to my desk.
By the time I sat down, I wanted another cigarette. I could feel the sensations in my chest area that signaled it was time for another. Before I began paying attention, I had not noticed these feelings. These are what Allen calls "withdrawal" sensations.
It is really important to pay attention because then it is easier to overpower the nicotine monster - or another way of putting it is to empower yourself - which takes away the power of the addiction.
People who quit with willpower have a more difficult time taking back their power and allowing the nicotine monster to die. I think it is because FEAR does not allow them to pay attention to what is going on - they try to distract their minds with lots of other things and don't really want to think about smoking - I know that because in the past I tried to quit using willpower and I would not allow myself to even think of smoking.
Now I can see it for what it truly is. And I'm soooo happy to be free of the fear of not having a cigarette.
It is very important to keep in mind that even just one puff on a cigarette will do me in. I know this to be true. After twenty years of not smoking, it was just one puff that immediately empowered the Nicotine Monster and I was back to smoking again.
I had completely forgotten the power of the Monster and that I was an addict. This time, I will keep the book in clear site - forever - and if ever I had a longing for a smoke, I will pick up the book and begin reading and that will save me from falling into the clutches of that NC.
Monday, March 22, 2010
In the mind of a smoker
Now that I am a non-smoker, I have a different perspective - I can see how corrupt a mind can become when influenced by an addiction.
I can see how easily it is to believe the thoughts and how easy it is to rationalize thoughts that are absolutely self-destructive - fatally so.
It is very strange for me to write these ideas - a part of me cannot believe I allowed myself to be so fooled - so trapped in disallusions.
It is as if I, or something within me, created a world around me based on conspiracy theories that influenced my beliefs about smoking. I actually held on to ideas that smoking is not harmful.
There must be a conspiracy to keep the tobacco industry in business. The government had to appear to be protecting the people, all the while increasing taxes on cigarettes and filling the government coffers. I wonder how they spend the billions or trillions of $$$ of cigarette taxes - I read that the tobacco industry only earns about 1/4 of what the government brings in.
The hype that smoking kills you can't be true. None of it makes sense - the government sets up quit smoking clinics; creates laws to prevent people from smoking in businesses, and even so many feet away from a door to a businesses. Creates another law to put health warnings in every package of cigarettes to make sure smokers see them. All those warnings do, btw, are to create more fear in smokers which makes them smoke more.
I argued with myself and anyone who challenged my smoking that until the government outlaws the tobacco industry, then I shall continue to smoke - because it must be safer to smoke than to do other drugs since there are laws against using them.
A part of me rationalized that that smoking must not be so harmful because even some health supplements, and herbal remedies have also been banned and some supplements businesses have even been shut down because their products are considered unsafe for the general public to use without proper supervision of members of the Medical Association.
It is not easy for me to write this because non of it makes any sense to me at all now. Since I have quit smoking it is so clear that my resistance to quitting was based on fear and fear alone.
When I thought of quitting smoking, I panicked when I imagined not being able to have a cigarette when I wanted one. No kidding - panic took over my mind and my body and rendered me completely helpless. THANK GOD THAT'S OVER!
If I ever am tempted to have even just one little puff on a cigarette - I MUST NOT DO IT. I am buying a copy of the book The EASY WAY... and keeping it handy, just in case I weaken.
But I'm convinced that I will not weaken. I love the freedom from fear and slavery that comes with being a non-smoker. Only an ex-smoker can understand that.
I can see how easily it is to believe the thoughts and how easy it is to rationalize thoughts that are absolutely self-destructive - fatally so.
It is very strange for me to write these ideas - a part of me cannot believe I allowed myself to be so fooled - so trapped in disallusions.
It is as if I, or something within me, created a world around me based on conspiracy theories that influenced my beliefs about smoking. I actually held on to ideas that smoking is not harmful.
There must be a conspiracy to keep the tobacco industry in business. The government had to appear to be protecting the people, all the while increasing taxes on cigarettes and filling the government coffers. I wonder how they spend the billions or trillions of $$$ of cigarette taxes - I read that the tobacco industry only earns about 1/4 of what the government brings in.
The hype that smoking kills you can't be true. None of it makes sense - the government sets up quit smoking clinics; creates laws to prevent people from smoking in businesses, and even so many feet away from a door to a businesses. Creates another law to put health warnings in every package of cigarettes to make sure smokers see them. All those warnings do, btw, are to create more fear in smokers which makes them smoke more.
I argued with myself and anyone who challenged my smoking that until the government outlaws the tobacco industry, then I shall continue to smoke - because it must be safer to smoke than to do other drugs since there are laws against using them.
A part of me rationalized that that smoking must not be so harmful because even some health supplements, and herbal remedies have also been banned and some supplements businesses have even been shut down because their products are considered unsafe for the general public to use without proper supervision of members of the Medical Association.
It is not easy for me to write this because non of it makes any sense to me at all now. Since I have quit smoking it is so clear that my resistance to quitting was based on fear and fear alone.
When I thought of quitting smoking, I panicked when I imagined not being able to have a cigarette when I wanted one. No kidding - panic took over my mind and my body and rendered me completely helpless. THANK GOD THAT'S OVER!
If I ever am tempted to have even just one little puff on a cigarette - I MUST NOT DO IT. I am buying a copy of the book The EASY WAY... and keeping it handy, just in case I weaken.
But I'm convinced that I will not weaken. I love the freedom from fear and slavery that comes with being a non-smoker. Only an ex-smoker can understand that.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Q-DAY TODAY
TODAY I AM A NON-SMOKER! I AM FINALLY FREE!
I have finally escaped the clutches of the nicotine monster inside me and can now enjoy life completely in great health and happiness.
Just as the book, Quit Smoking The Easy Way, said it was easy. Of course this is just day 1 of my new life as a non-smoker, but I have not had more than a tiny bit of craving for a cigarette. Allen Carr said our cravings are hardly noticeable - he's right. I notice them and think how happy I am to be FREE and pouff my mind goes off on something else.
I have so much energy I can't believe it. I'm not sure whether my mind is keeping me active so I won't smoke, or smoking actually blocked my desire to do things like cleaning my vertical blinds, making my granola, creating a grocery list on the computer, booking movies at the library - my position in the line up is over 300 on two of the lists.
I bought a kit called Nixotinex to help me stop the cravings and detox my body for $32 but I'm not using it - don't have to.
My website is not screaming out for my attention so I'm happy to take a holiday from it. March ezine is not going to happen - but really, when only two of 14 registrants open it each month, and those two happen to be me and my SBI friend in S. A. guess no one will notice.
So my plan for the evening is to read. I love being FREE from the misery, fear, and slavery of the nicotine monster.
I have finally escaped the clutches of the nicotine monster inside me and can now enjoy life completely in great health and happiness.
Just as the book, Quit Smoking The Easy Way, said it was easy. Of course this is just day 1 of my new life as a non-smoker, but I have not had more than a tiny bit of craving for a cigarette. Allen Carr said our cravings are hardly noticeable - he's right. I notice them and think how happy I am to be FREE and pouff my mind goes off on something else.
I have so much energy I can't believe it. I'm not sure whether my mind is keeping me active so I won't smoke, or smoking actually blocked my desire to do things like cleaning my vertical blinds, making my granola, creating a grocery list on the computer, booking movies at the library - my position in the line up is over 300 on two of the lists.
I bought a kit called Nixotinex to help me stop the cravings and detox my body for $32 but I'm not using it - don't have to.
My website is not screaming out for my attention so I'm happy to take a holiday from it. March ezine is not going to happen - but really, when only two of 14 registrants open it each month, and those two happen to be me and my SBI friend in S. A. guess no one will notice.
So my plan for the evening is to read. I love being FREE from the misery, fear, and slavery of the nicotine monster.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Quitting smoking - 2
March 16, 2010
QD is drawing nearer - 5 more smoking days to go. Ridiculous! I am determined to quit and I can visualize how happy and free I will be as a non-smoker.
This process is fascinating. When I quit smoking oh so many years ago now, I recall a little book I read. That may have been the magic pill that helped me get so easily off nicotine.
So last night my friend B who is quitting with me lent me a book. We had our last "smoke out" together - watching the movie, Up In The Air - with George Clooney - he's right up there with Gregory Peck for me (except for this movie). Can't figure out how it made the list for an Oscar. So B and I ate dinner and smoked while we watched the movie.
What a horrible experience - when she lit up a cigarette, I couldn't stand the stink of it, eventually I had to stick my head out of the balcony door to get a whiff of fresh air. That is a good sign. Most times I did not notice. My mind would not allow me to accept how disgusting even second hand smoke is.
I think that now that I am determined to quit, have actually committed my self to that goal, that something is showing me what a wise decision that is. I am going to call it the Universe for lack of an accurate word.
I have always said that when I truly desire something and declare my desire with emotional energy the Universe delivers it. What I do not receive is blocked by some internal programming that I am not aware of at the surface level of my mind.
When I got home last night I peeled all of my clothes off and could smell the smoke in them (previously denied they smelled). In the comfort of my PJs, I curled up on the couch and began reading the book. I was not surprised actually, but I do believe this is a 2nd edition to the book I read oh so long ago.
When Allen Carr talks about the nicotine monster inside me that is controlling my life - every precious moment of it - I remember that I could relate to the monster metaphor more than to the real live disgusting and ugly jar full of cigarette butts, or wicked posters with nasty health threats. That is how limited and non-effective most of the Quit Smoking so-called experts operate. I know, I've been there done that. And I have suffered the self-demeaning failed attempts to quit before.
The nicotine monster that has control over my life has to go. I visualize it as a large mouth bass, or large ugly bottom-feeder fish, wildly swimming around in my chest area with a mouth flapping - opening and closing, demanding to be fed.
His demands feel like a kind of cotton batting filling up my lungs - threatening to suffocate me if I don't feed him. As soon as I have even one puff on a cigarette, he slows down and my breathing becomes easier and my body feels less contracted.
After three puffs Monster Nic seems satisfied and he retreats to a deep dark corner in my lungs and rests somewhat peacefully, but his eyes never really close. I am aware of him watching for the slightest hint that there is more.
The odd thing about it is that as soon as I get back to my computer and sit down, the monster seems give me a gentle poke, hinting that he is there and should I choose to he will accept dessert.
This vivid visualization helps me to feel in control.
So I have committed myself to finishing the book, as the author recommends and since I have done it before, I know I that quitting is very easy, once again.
To be safe I am also going to use a product called Nixotinex that B used when she last quit. Trouble is that when she quit it was for about a month to go on a cigarette free vacation with her kids and grandchild. Shortly after she returned she resumed smoking.
But I say best to cover all the bases. This product is supposed to help stop the cravings - don't know how, but who cares - I am so sick of smoking and the inconvenience of it, and the fact that most of society now treats smokers like Lepers, or as I call it diseased freaks, that the reason I started to smoke again is no longer valid (as if it was anyway).
Recently, I was asked a question that I think helped me to see more clearly how my addiction was no longer meeting my needs. He asked, "Why did you start smoking?" And because he probably knew my usual reaction to talking about smoking (very assertively but politely telling people it was none of their business) - he just replied "Thanks". Believe me when I say that in my case, "less is more". A few days later, the question came to my mind and I actually allowed it to surface and I considered the answer. The reason I started to smoke after twenty years was that I felt left out of a group of "inner circle" folks who were interesting and fun to be with. I know it is insane to think that I had to smoke to be with them, but that is the nature of an addict - perhaps the reason I smoked again was that finally I was able to rationalize an excuse to feed Monster Nic who never actually died and went to his heaven.
Anyway enough - I am quitting for good as soon as I finish this book. Thank you for all of the support I am getting from my Inner Being, from B for doing it with me, and for Allen Carr from coming back into my life when I most need him.
God, I love my self when I feel so in control. Now believe it or not, after all that I'm going to have my first cigarette (3 puffs) of the day. Allen Carr says not to quit yet - and I do believe he is right.
QD is drawing nearer - 5 more smoking days to go. Ridiculous! I am determined to quit and I can visualize how happy and free I will be as a non-smoker.
This process is fascinating. When I quit smoking oh so many years ago now, I recall a little book I read. That may have been the magic pill that helped me get so easily off nicotine.
So last night my friend B who is quitting with me lent me a book. We had our last "smoke out" together - watching the movie, Up In The Air - with George Clooney - he's right up there with Gregory Peck for me (except for this movie). Can't figure out how it made the list for an Oscar. So B and I ate dinner and smoked while we watched the movie.
What a horrible experience - when she lit up a cigarette, I couldn't stand the stink of it, eventually I had to stick my head out of the balcony door to get a whiff of fresh air. That is a good sign. Most times I did not notice. My mind would not allow me to accept how disgusting even second hand smoke is.
I think that now that I am determined to quit, have actually committed my self to that goal, that something is showing me what a wise decision that is. I am going to call it the Universe for lack of an accurate word.
I have always said that when I truly desire something and declare my desire with emotional energy the Universe delivers it. What I do not receive is blocked by some internal programming that I am not aware of at the surface level of my mind.
When I got home last night I peeled all of my clothes off and could smell the smoke in them (previously denied they smelled). In the comfort of my PJs, I curled up on the couch and began reading the book. I was not surprised actually, but I do believe this is a 2nd edition to the book I read oh so long ago.
When Allen Carr talks about the nicotine monster inside me that is controlling my life - every precious moment of it - I remember that I could relate to the monster metaphor more than to the real live disgusting and ugly jar full of cigarette butts, or wicked posters with nasty health threats. That is how limited and non-effective most of the Quit Smoking so-called experts operate. I know, I've been there done that. And I have suffered the self-demeaning failed attempts to quit before.
The nicotine monster that has control over my life has to go. I visualize it as a large mouth bass, or large ugly bottom-feeder fish, wildly swimming around in my chest area with a mouth flapping - opening and closing, demanding to be fed.
His demands feel like a kind of cotton batting filling up my lungs - threatening to suffocate me if I don't feed him. As soon as I have even one puff on a cigarette, he slows down and my breathing becomes easier and my body feels less contracted.
After three puffs Monster Nic seems satisfied and he retreats to a deep dark corner in my lungs and rests somewhat peacefully, but his eyes never really close. I am aware of him watching for the slightest hint that there is more.
The odd thing about it is that as soon as I get back to my computer and sit down, the monster seems give me a gentle poke, hinting that he is there and should I choose to he will accept dessert.
This vivid visualization helps me to feel in control.
So I have committed myself to finishing the book, as the author recommends and since I have done it before, I know I that quitting is very easy, once again.
To be safe I am also going to use a product called Nixotinex that B used when she last quit. Trouble is that when she quit it was for about a month to go on a cigarette free vacation with her kids and grandchild. Shortly after she returned she resumed smoking.
But I say best to cover all the bases. This product is supposed to help stop the cravings - don't know how, but who cares - I am so sick of smoking and the inconvenience of it, and the fact that most of society now treats smokers like Lepers, or as I call it diseased freaks, that the reason I started to smoke again is no longer valid (as if it was anyway).
Recently, I was asked a question that I think helped me to see more clearly how my addiction was no longer meeting my needs. He asked, "Why did you start smoking?" And because he probably knew my usual reaction to talking about smoking (very assertively but politely telling people it was none of their business) - he just replied "Thanks". Believe me when I say that in my case, "less is more". A few days later, the question came to my mind and I actually allowed it to surface and I considered the answer. The reason I started to smoke after twenty years was that I felt left out of a group of "inner circle" folks who were interesting and fun to be with. I know it is insane to think that I had to smoke to be with them, but that is the nature of an addict - perhaps the reason I smoked again was that finally I was able to rationalize an excuse to feed Monster Nic who never actually died and went to his heaven.
Anyway enough - I am quitting for good as soon as I finish this book. Thank you for all of the support I am getting from my Inner Being, from B for doing it with me, and for Allen Carr from coming back into my life when I most need him.
God, I love my self when I feel so in control. Now believe it or not, after all that I'm going to have my first cigarette (3 puffs) of the day. Allen Carr says not to quit yet - and I do believe he is right.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)